I'm kind of a big deal...

Friday, September 28, 2012

Girl, where have you been???

Hi Everyone!

Over a month (wow!) has elapsed since my last post and I want to apologize for being an absentee blogger. I've been experienceing a lot of flux in my life as of late and wanted to fill you in on what's been going on with me. As I mentioned in a previous post, I now have a new job which I am super excited about! I am a project manager for a hospital system outside of Boston and am working on things that I am really passionate about. Namely, patient-centered medical home development which is essentially coordinating care in a way that improves quality of care, improves health outcomes, and reduces cost. I'm working with some serious visionaries who all want to turn the current healthcare system upside down (hooray for troublemakers!). I've also been helping my son adjust to kindergarten which has been a bit of a challenge. He is in his 3rd week of school and is doing great for the most part. Despite the strides that he has made, I've had to contend with the negative treatment he has received from his peers and the consequences that this has had on his psyche. It's not easy to hear your six-year old say "I don't have friends" or "No one likes me at school" day in and day out. It's difficult for me to come to terms with the fact that this is about the age where social boundaries are established and "different-ness" is mostly received with a wary and fearful eye. Needless to say, I've been doing a lot of hugging and pep-talking.

My perception of my self has also shifted in the past several weeks. The stress from the transition between jobs and worrying about my son caused me to gain several pounds. I was also faced with the anxiety-inducing fact that my tenants were moving out and that soon I would have to pony up 100% of my mortgage. I couldn't stop eating. I still can't. My weight gain has resulted in feelings of inadequacy and failure and just general ugliness (inside and out). So what am I doing about my stankitude (stank+attitude)? I'm trying to put everything in perspective. Achieving perspective has been a journey in and of itself. It's hard for me to celebrate my wins when in my mind, my losses/faults/flaws are so glaring to the point of being palpable. I guess talking about my feelings is the first step though right?

Since I'm not wanting this post to be so depressing, I wanted to give you the heads up of a guest post coming your way soon by my bestie from another teste--Rosa. You have Rosa to thank for my post today because she's been in my ear like: "Damn son, what's up with your blog?". I've been so caught up with things goiug on in my life that I have completely ignored one of my biggest support systems--you all! But seriously, I thank all of you for sticking with me this whole time and showing me love--it's appreciated and means more to me than you will ever know...<3

On another note, have you seen the pro-Bama video from Samuel L. Jackson? Whatever your political leanings there is no denying how funny this is.  What makes me chuckle is how almost every movie he's been in contains the phrase "and I hope you burn in hell!" or some iteration there of. The vid is below if you want a good laugh (or at the very least, a  pronounced smirk). Please note that there is cursing and one sexually suggestive scene so view with caution. Shout out to my girl Ruthie for sending this my way!


  1. You are a beautiful soul. You are never struggling alone. Prayers and blessings :)

  2. Aw man, as a primary teacher my heart breaks for both you and your son. Such a hard thing to deal with.

    Just keep your head up though, he is young and things will change. Have you talked to his teacher? I wonder if he/she has noticed. In K it shouldn't be a huge issue as friendship is usually a huge theme so perhaps the teacher could help him out a bit. K is such a hard adjustment though :(

    Isn't it weird how emotional little children get about these things? We don't even realize how heartbreaking it is to them most of the time. Stay positive!!

  3. This is reason 3000 why I adore you. You are so open and honest. Its refreshing to have someone like you blog. We your loyal readers are here for you while you are on your journey. Just know you have people thinking of you and praying for you during this bump in the road.

  4. Hey Gurl!!, I was gone for a while as well. Dealing with life. I think every blogger goes through that period where life gets in the way so I understand where you are coming from. I have also gained some weight (due to eating and medication) and so I feel you on feeling inadequate and ugly (although I know you--and me-- are neither). But Im trying to relearn how to love myself and at the same time engage in healthier habits. So we can take this journey together... You are a beautiful women inside and out I can tell, so this too shall pass.

    Also, I am sorry about what your son in going through. School is def a transition and can be hard for those that are even slightly different. So speaking to his teacher might help, she may be able to encourage the children to work in groups and that way they can see that your son really is someone good to know... Good luck in all ways!!!


  5. Hang in there... considering that the plus size community encourages us to celebrate bodies of all sizes, there is no good reason at all that weight gain should make you feel ugly inside or out, and you are and will continue to be beautiful no matter what size you are.. So think positive, get things in order, please send some blogposts with pics our way, and and be the inspiration to us size girls everywhere, and rock it with a few extra pounds, so what.. Remember a lot of us are looking up to you so we want to see you showing us how to embrace our bodies through inspiration of watching you embrace yours, not getting depressed over it, but but I fully understand that at the same time you're human, you won't always feel great about yourself and some body changes, and this is your very honest blog.. Anyway sweetheart chin up, and wishing you the best!


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